Why Write?

In all honesty, I don't know what the hell else to do.

I thought the adage of "time heals everything" would work in this situation. But here I am, 45 days out, still feeling, RAW. You may not like the language I use. You may not like how I get very detailed. But remember, if you've never been in my shoes, you have no clue what it's like. 60 days ago, I would have judged myself poorly.

I have good days and bad days. Lately, I seem to be having more bad days. I am going to re-trace the steps of my journey, from finding out, to where I am now. I am writing about it because I hope that I can get some of the things that are on my mind, OUT, and if I can get them OUT, perhaps I can help heal. Comments will help me. If you think I'm being an idiot about something, obsessing...call me on it.

Additionally, I've tried to find many resources for women like me. Books, blogs, magazine articles. But the bottom line is, right now, they all suck. I just want a big hug, and someone to tell me, "You're AWESOME, Your husband's a terd!" And that's not what I'm finding. Apparently I'm to blame for the problems that led up to the affair. I share a responsibility. Well fuck that. I don't agree with that!

Perhaps I am responsible for problems that messed our our relationship. Okay, hell with the Perhaps part. Yes, I am responsible for being a moody bitch. I am responsible for taking part in arguments. However, I am not responsible for his deciding to unite his privates with another person's. I didn't make that move. That's not my fault. And that...simple physical act...is where I have a problem.