Fast Forward

Start at the top, or, rather, the bottom....

Today marks two months.

It's been two months since I found out that my husband had an affair.
Today also marks 4 weeks until I have our baby.

What I've learned to this point is that he began "mingling" with her in the fall. In January it came to physical fruition, and they were together again once in February, March, and April.

She, too, is married. A mother.

Two months after finding out, I am more angry than I have felt before.

I am angry with him. Yes...we had problems. I had plenty of opportunities to cheat, and I declined. Because it's not right. It's not how to solve a relationship. The problems we had before could have been fixed. Now, I'm not sure they'll ever get fixed. How do you fix the problem of not trusting the person you share a bed with?

I am angry with her. What kind of a two bit whore sleeps with a married man whose wife is pregnant? Yes. She knew. And still slept with him. I find myself wishing bad things on her.

The anger doesn't go away. It gets worse.

Why did he buy her shit at Victoria's Secret? What the fuck was that all about?

What did she buy him?

Did they get together just to do it, or did they spend the night together?

Did he love her?

Is he still talking to her.....

My anger over the issue has driven a wedge between us again. I can't look at my husband without thinking about what he did. I can't begin to forgive him, because I still don't trust him.

As I sit here right now, today....I don't want him in my delivery room. I don't want him around when my baby is born. He doesn't deserve it.